All of that to say–

Allow my heart to heal. Allow me and help me to understand my own brokenness, and to be more empathetic toward others in their own brokenness. Help me make sense of this hurt, and guide me to a path toward healing that aligns with you in all that you are. I am confused and can’t ask for advice from others out of fear of hurting further. 

Thank you to the people that are in my life currently. Thank you for whatever smidgen of faith that I carry with me today. For whatever ounce of understanding that I carry with me on the days that I feel empty. For it is those small amounts that get me out of bed, that keep me going. I recognize their places in my life, but consider this my cry for help. To You, to the universe, to whoever may be listening beyond whatever this Earth may grant me. Help me. Lead me. Guide me. Help me open myself to being led through you more. Change me. Help me be open to change. I want to want to change. But why does this feel so backward?

On another note, this has been a great trip. Seeing my friends, some family, and experiencing another part of the world has been so exciting. Serving with them in their ministries, while also having time to myself in the mountains has been nothing short of living, but I often wondered what I am actually searching for, what I am yearning for. All of that to say–

I can’t wait to land at MSY. Arriving back in my city just feels different than anywhere else. I almost feel like every time I take off on a trip, I’m already ready to be back home. If I leave home to ponder, think, and escape, I guess that makes home a place for me to respond. One day I hope to not have to leave in order to feel, and that I can eventually become a vessel of feeling, thoughts, and fluidity in life. 

-s

date unknown