echoes

“I learned the beauty of a touch. The desire for more. Something beautiful and scary, yet again. An echo chamber of wanting to do the right thing, hoping you did, and wondering if you didn’t.”

“echoes” is out on streaming everywhere, october 24

A glimmering city of broken services and endless hope. A city that tears you down to the bare bones and demands that you put yourself back together – something impossible without a belief in something greater than yourself, because she was quick to humble you. 

I loved it. I had never felt more alive than when so broken down. I made friends, I lost friends. I listened to some music, and then I created some of my own. I learned to find the right answers by asking the right questions. I learned to pray the right way because conviction had never felt so fresh. I learned what true discomfort was, and how it could be combatted by embracement. 

I continuously learned the beauty of vulnerability (and still am to this day). I learned true jealousy, and how envy can be created when jealousy mixed with desire. I learned the beauty of a touch. The desire for more. Something beautiful and scary, yet again. An echo chamber of wanting to do the right thing, hoping you did, and wondering if you didn’t. 

Learning the true meaning of love, and how much pain comes with a separation of it. The beauty of trust, and the price of it. Conflict. Disorder. Pain. 

Then, a separate, yet sorely connected love. A confusing love. A side one. One that was obvious would never last. Beautiful souls, destined for something greater, but only after a period of pain. Pain that I would have to cause. A bandaid, ripped.

I feel like I’m losing much more than I’m willing to give, and understanding that I wouldn’t be able to provide that which these loves require, and hindering their own journey toward a life after the one they perceive themselves to be living right now. Needs worthy of being fulfilled. Needs that I couldn’t fulfill. The pain of being the one to understand that. The pain of understanding it at all. 

Music to my fingers.  

-s

date unknown